dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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