I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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