tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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