Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
