She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
