I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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