We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
