If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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