so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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