I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
