Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
