My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
How naked do you want me to be?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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