xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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