i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
