don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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