Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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