I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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