it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
