omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.