youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro