I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter