time to smoke my breakfast
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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