Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
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Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
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Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.