all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?