Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone