got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.