I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.