life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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