Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
