i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
