I could have mohawked her pubes.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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