2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
