i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
