dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
