I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
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dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
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Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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