Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
