Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Drunk is not a location!
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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