You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
