oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
