i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
It's blow job season.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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