I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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