Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
