Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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