Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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