Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
