I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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