she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
