Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
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I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
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