I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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