dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize