i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
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I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
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Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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