I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
