I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
