Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
