oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
