A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I am available for nakedness
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
