I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Who did Billy Mays play for?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
