Got a toothbrush?
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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