I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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