I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
