Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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