two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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