you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
