You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize