I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
When did angry sex become our thing?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
