Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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