Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
