I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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