I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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