I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
