and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
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