If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize