I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
