I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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