you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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