Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Boobs speak an international language.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
