Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
