Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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