when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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