I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
