Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
