i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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