Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
