you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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